Chances are…..if you’re a vaper who is reading this review….you are already lost….and when I say lost, I don’t mean done for….I mean that you are so far down the rabbit hole of this foggy hobby of ours that even if you wanted to….you could probably never find your way out again.
You see….there are certain levels to being a vaper that myself….and you probably…have tumbled past without even noticing where one level ends..and another begins…until eventually you find yourself stumbling blindly through the thick custard rich smog utterly bewildered with only one burning question ever present in your mind….
Level 1 – The Reluctant Smoker – You smoke (urgh) ….but you don’t really want to, you know it’s killing you and you know that you are paying heavily with your hard earned cash for that privilege….you’ve tried an ‘electronic cigarette’ but it made you cough so it never really stuck…..although….it did taste nice…..
Level 2 – The Awkward Inbetweener – You have an ‘electronic cigarette’ that you use in the day but….when you are at home or out having a drink you might have the ‘occasional’ cancer stick because although you do enjoy this part time vape ‘fad’….it’s just not quite enough to keep you satisfied.
Level 3 – The Quitter – Congratulations, you have made the switch from coffin nails to a safer electronic alternative, you have found a liquid that you dig and you have powered through those awkward coughing weeks by battling those cravings as and when they arise simply by whipping out your ‘vape pen’ and having a little tootle puff on your 18mg peppermint liquid that only cost you a mere couple of pounds from your local newsagents.
Level 4 – The Shepherd encounter – You meet someone else that vapes, only they have a bigger pen than you, some may even have a box, and on this box there appears to be bigger tank….and out of this tank comes a cloud of the sweetest smelling Cumulonimbus that wisps past your nostrils peaking your intrigue and leaving your now chemical tasting peppermint liquid cowering in the corner smelling of nothing but cheap inadequacy.
Level 5 – The Upgrade – Your intrigue gets the better of you and you treat yourself to a new ‘toy’ …nothing too much, say a 50w variable wattage box mod and something called a ‘sub ohm’ tank…..and while you’re at it…..you might as well spend the extra ten pounds on a 30ml of that liquid that is named in such a way it could have literally come from your mother’s fun bag…what’s the sense in half assing it eh…..I mean….what’s the worst that could happen…..you go home, you follow the instructions in setting this thing up…and when you’re ready…. you take your first hit….and suddenly as the flavour of that sweet nectar hits your mistreated and tortured taste buds a vision of that Shepherd you met last week…suddenly appears before you….
And in an instant…you fully understand why that person with their little box of electronic wizardry…looked sooo fucking smug.
Level 6 – The Awakening – A tricky level this….I’d go as far as to say that the vast majority of vapers don’t make it past this point, what they have is ample, overkill probably….they have discovered what they think is the top tier in electronic smoking cessation…and as long as they have this…..why would they need anything else??…Pretty soon the residual cravings left over from smoking will be gone and so will this …..’Vaping’….thing…..however….a select few….are never happy, they know there must be more…….. these vapers have stumbled across the rabbit hole….and are peering into it….fearful….yet….utterly intrigued
They didn’t realise just how big this thing was…..after all……this was just to give up smoking…..wasn’t it?…..but….what if?
Ahh…the eternal question….”What if”…..just the slightest whisper of that literal dark magic has sparked the birth of a thousand catastrophic fuck up’s….’What if I just pressed that button that says don’t press?’ ……’What if I just hit him with this metal pipe a little bit?’ …….’What if I just smoked that little rock just this one time?’……..’What if I wore wore red trousers with a pink jumper?’ (okay you’ve gone too far now you need a fucking word with someone) …
“What if this little mod…wasn’t all there was?…. What if I just bought something a little more powerful?….What if I learnt to make my own coils so I didn’t have to spend money on pre-made’s?….What if I learnt to make my own e-liquid?? I could save a fortune!…..What if I bought a dripper and tried that instead?….What if……..what if…………….what if……..?
Level 7……YOU….probably…… you’re invested……you’re in so deep that this whole vape culture has become sooo much more than just a way of giving up smoking, this is a way of life, chances are you already have an arsenal of vaping equipment that could stock a small shop, and you wile away your hours making intricate coils that could pass off as jewellery and even your spare time is taken up concocting e-liquid recipes that could well be served as deserts in a michelin star restaurant……you watch videos….you read reviews (obviously) ….you go to vape expo’s…..and you might even have a part of your house dedicated to everything vape….your beloved ‘vape station’ – and whether you already have a vape station, or have just maybe started eyeing up that spare room, which currently houses a dusty exercise bike along with various other 90’s artifacts that were just ‘too good to throw away’ and because one day you ‘just might need them’ ……this review …..is entirely….for you….and do you know why?….
I have a theory…..(oh fuck this should be interesting) … and that theory is this, basically there are two types of people in the world, those that like to be in total control of everything……and those that don’t really give a shit….OK it’s a weak ass vague theory…but bare with…at some point during this review that might just make some sense….to two…maybe three of you, because this theory would appear to be ever present in this vaping universe of ours…..and I’ll explain why…
Now….temperature control……I know for a fact that just saying those very words gets a whole swathe of vapers in a crazy almost hysterical tizz….’how accurate is it’….. ‘can I change the TCR values to match exactly what wire I have’ ….’this feels approximately 0.7 degrees lower than what I was led to believe it would be’ ….’hmm..this porridge is juuuust right’ …these would be the people that like to be in total control, they like things to be the same….every time, because difference is an imperfection and imperfections are not tolerated…not on this side of the fence …..and I can dig it, there’s no judging going on here (pfft) people like what they like, and once they have found that ‘like’…. they don’t need anything else …and that… is the way it must always be….if they can control an exact set of parameters over and over again to obtain that…it just makes things….logical…
And then there’s the ‘other’ type……the type that hates anything uniform, they do something more than three times and all of a sudden they feel they’re in a dreaded…..’routine’….they don’t particularly care for controlling anything….in most cases…..even themselves….in fact they’d be quite happy to just sit back and let someone else do all the controlling…. they can’t be arsed with anything as complicated as ‘settings’ …..who needs that shit…. variable wattage is about as far as these people go with vaping…yet even that…is still a little too ‘controlly’ at times…..the less they have to worry about…the more simple …..life would appear to be…
If you happen to belong to camp ‘controlly’ …you may as well just stop reading right now because today’s offering comes bereft of anything so controlling as ‘inputting settings’ …. menus are a distant memory and even if they were present…there is no screen to view them on…sure…these people do cross over to the mech world, but they will measure precisely what wire they’re using and triple check their figures on Steam engine to obtain a precise and accurate ohms reading…..whereas the other type…will just have a ‘Goldilocks Zone’ ….they know what’s too high or too low and as long as the coils fall somewhere in that zone….they’re quite happy to let the chips fall where they may..
‘Simple’ is the word du jour and this….surprisingly (pfft…again) this is very much the category that I fall into…..I know right?….shocker…..
“Son of a bitch!”
“This damn thing is leaking again!”
“I swear to god I’m gonna throw this piece of shit away!”
These kinds of exclamations were becoming a regular thing in the Vapey household. My dear sweet husband (who is a master of colorful sailor language…obviously) reeeally doesn’t like a leaky tank. And to be fair, who does? So I set off on a quest for a leak proof tank.
I introduce to you the solution: The Warcraft RTA by Blitz Enterprises.
I’m gonna start with a little love story…..A good few years ago, one crisp Autumnal morning, I was awoken by the sound of…absolutely nothing, And I soon came to realise that I had indeed forgotten to set my alarm clock leaving me almost an hour late for work….that’s right…’clock’ ….like I said…years ago…anyway, That was strike one, I rushed out of the house and decided to cut across the park and as I marched across the field like a man with purpose I suddenly felt something a bit….’soft’…underfoot, whilst not slowing down any I turned my head to look at the floor behind me convinced I’d see a pile of freshly baked doggy bum nuggets with my footprint planted right in the centre….but while looking backwards…and walking briskly forwards…and before I could finish the thought ‘Oh good…it was just a pile of leav…. WOH!’….I slipped in an actual particularly mountainous and moist ‘Elephant’ turd …twisting my knee…and leaving me splayed out on my back writhing in agony clutching my…what felt like….shattered kneecap…..strike 2…… “Are you OK?…..oh hi Pugs” ….said an almost angelic voice above me….”Oh…hey” I replied to a girl walking her dog that I happened to have pulled at my friends party a couple of weeks previous …A girl I might add that I had grown to have an unhealthy infatuation with……..and if there was any chance of this being a lucky romantic encounter you often see in the movies….that chance was soon dashed with the next words out of her mouth……”You have shit in your hands…..” I looked down..and sure enough, there was a three foot smear of shit up the outside of leg up to my knee…which I was clutching firmly with both hands…….gargantuan strike 3….
Strangely….I never saw that girl again, but that clusterfuck of a morning all those years ago has stayed with me ever since, and every time I hear someone say ‘Bad things happen in threes’…I can almost smell those shit sodden leaves and bitter humiliation all over again…and as a result of that….I have had a nagging fear of the number 3 ever since…that’s right…I’m a massive weirdo with Triphobia….I mean I was just about getting my head around using 3 batteries without the fear of blowing my face off….and I also have my third child on the way….clearly going to be the spawn of Satan…so I’m working on it…but generally….if it’s a three…it’s going to be shit.
Yes….this is a vape review…all will come clear…..if you’re looking for sense you’re in the wrong town buddy…
Pretty much sums up the general reaction from the vaping community with regards to what I was given for review last week, I was sceptical to say the least, for me…I thought I had already found my ‘best’ RTA with the Ammit dual….but this new kid in school has caused quite the stir….even has it’s very own …very active…Facebook group…dedicated just to this manufacturer….I mean that’s fame right there. However……not one to do things conventionally, I have decided…for the first time in my highly successful reviewing career ..(pffft…sure) …to do a special on the Manufacturer and review TWO of their latest offerings AT THE SAME TIME..(sarcastic gasp)…I know…fucking crazy right…but that’s just me….life on the edge….pure rock n roll.
Framed, Stapled, Twisted, Clapton, Spaced, Alien, Helix, Corrugated, Mohawk, Fused, Stacked, Ribbon, Stainless Steel, Kanthal, Titanium, Ni-chrome…..I could literally be here all day listing words that to the unknowing would be exactly that…just words…but to those who ‘build’ ….or even those that don’t but spend hours after typing in the words ‘Coil Porn’ into google drooling over the resulting images then….that list of words means a great deal ….probably more than it should to some of us lets be honest…I myself am of course included in that sub category, I build….kind of….in a fashion….OK I’m shit at it, but I have learnt enough to know that the skill and finger shredding patience required to master this art far outweighs any amount of perseverance I….or indeed most people… could ever muster….perfectly illustrated in this picture of me last year trying to perfect the art of using 30 gauge wire to make a straight forward fused Clapton…..I’d had better days….