Chances are…..if you’re a vaper who is reading this review….you are already lost….and when I say lost, I don’t mean done for….I mean that you are so far down the rabbit hole of this foggy hobby of ours that even if you wanted to….you could probably never find your way out again.
You see….there are certain levels to being a vaper that myself….and you probably…have tumbled past without even noticing where one level ends..and another begins…until eventually you find yourself stumbling blindly through the thick custard rich smog utterly bewildered with only one burning question ever present in your mind….
Level 1 – The Reluctant Smoker – You smoke (urgh) ….but you don’t really want to, you know it’s killing you and you know that you are paying heavily with your hard earned cash for that privilege….you’ve tried an ‘electronic cigarette’ but it made you cough so it never really stuck…..although….it did taste nice…..
Level 2 – The Awkward Inbetweener – You have an ‘electronic cigarette’ that you use in the day but….when you are at home or out having a drink you might have the ‘occasional’ cancer stick because although you do enjoy this part time vape ‘fad’….it’s just not quite enough to keep you satisfied.
Level 3 – The Quitter – Congratulations, you have made the switch from coffin nails to a safer electronic alternative, you have found a liquid that you dig and you have powered through those awkward coughing weeks by battling those cravings as and when they arise simply by whipping out your ‘vape pen’ and having a little tootle puff on your 18mg peppermint liquid that only cost you a mere couple of pounds from your local newsagents.
Level 4 – The Shepherd encounter – You meet someone else that vapes, only they have a bigger pen than you, some may even have a box, and on this box there appears to be bigger tank….and out of this tank comes a cloud of the sweetest smelling Cumulonimbus that wisps past your nostrils peaking your intrigue and leaving your now chemical tasting peppermint liquid cowering in the corner smelling of nothing but cheap inadequacy.
Level 5 – The Upgrade – Your intrigue gets the better of you and you treat yourself to a new ‘toy’ …nothing too much, say a 50w variable wattage box mod and something called a ‘sub ohm’ tank…..and while you’re at it…..you might as well spend the extra ten pounds on a 30ml of that liquid that is named in such a way it could have literally come from your mother’s fun bag…what’s the sense in half assing it eh…..I mean….what’s the worst that could happen…..you go home, you follow the instructions in setting this thing up…and when you’re ready…. you take your first hit….and suddenly as the flavour of that sweet nectar hits your mistreated and tortured taste buds a vision of that Shepherd you met last week…suddenly appears before you….
And in an instant…you fully understand why that person with their little box of electronic wizardry…looked sooo fucking smug.
Level 6 – The Awakening – A tricky level this….I’d go as far as to say that the vast majority of vapers don’t make it past this point, what they have is ample, overkill probably….they have discovered what they think is the top tier in electronic smoking cessation…and as long as they have this…..why would they need anything else??…Pretty soon the residual cravings left over from smoking will be gone and so will this …..’Vaping’….thing…..however….a select few….are never happy, they know there must be more…….. these vapers have stumbled across the rabbit hole….and are peering into it….fearful….yet….utterly intrigued
They didn’t realise just how big this thing was…..after all……this was just to give up smoking…..wasn’t it?…..but….what if?
Ahh…the eternal question….”What if”…..just the slightest whisper of that literal dark magic has sparked the birth of a thousand catastrophic fuck up’s….’What if I just pressed that button that says don’t press?’ ……’What if I just hit him with this metal pipe a little bit?’ …….’What if I just smoked that little rock just this one time?’……..’What if I wore wore red trousers with a pink jumper?’ (okay you’ve gone too far now you need a fucking word with someone) …
“What if this little mod…wasn’t all there was?…. What if I just bought something a little more powerful?….What if I learnt to make my own coils so I didn’t have to spend money on pre-made’s?….What if I learnt to make my own e-liquid?? I could save a fortune!…..What if I bought a dripper and tried that instead?….What if……..what if…………….what if……..?
Level 7……YOU….probably…… you’re invested……you’re in so deep that this whole vape culture has become sooo much more than just a way of giving up smoking, this is a way of life, chances are you already have an arsenal of vaping equipment that could stock a small shop, and you wile away your hours making intricate coils that could pass off as jewellery and even your spare time is taken up concocting e-liquid recipes that could well be served as deserts in a michelin star restaurant……you watch videos….you read reviews (obviously) ….you go to vape expo’s…..and you might even have a part of your house dedicated to everything vape….your beloved ‘vape station’ – and whether you already have a vape station, or have just maybe started eyeing up that spare room, which currently houses a dusty exercise bike along with various other 90’s artifacts that were just ‘too good to throw away’ and because one day you ‘just might need them’ ……this review …..is entirely….for you….and do you know why?….